I had a conversation with my therapist a while ago that I thought would be a good topic to bring up on my blog.

Restriction.

When I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa, I was completely shocked. I wasn’t sick. I wasn’t unable to care for myself. I didn’t lose all control over myself.

But then she asked me if there was anything else in my life I felt like I restricted myself from.

I had plenty to respond with:

• I restricted myself from spending money on anything because I assumed every purchase was frivolous, including food.

• I restricted myself from seeing or talking to other people because it was an excuse to not burden other people, when in reality I was only pushing away the ones that wanted to help.

• I restricted myself from using social media because I didn’t want anyone to see what I looked like or give others a way to connect with me.

• I restricted myself from dating because I believed that there was no possible way I could be in recovery and be in a committed relationship at the same time.

• I restricted myself from all creative outlets because I didn’t think I was worthy enough or that anything I created would ever be good enough.

Needless to say, there are a plethora of forms that restriction played a role in my life that didn’t just include food. These were just a few examples that came up in our conversation.

Realizing this was eye opening for me. Why was I restricting myself from other things aside from food? Why was I restricting my use of food in the first place?

Through a lot of therapy and by opening up to share my story on eating disorder recovery, I was able to find a lot of clarity. It took time, but now I can see and experience a world that doesn’t have restrictions. On the contrary, it is filled with open and endless possibilities.

What does my life of restrictions look like now?

• I allow myself to spend money (not impulsively, but healthily) on things that bring me happiness because I now can see the reality that you won’t be taking any form of currency with you when the credits roll.

• I allow myself to be open with the people I love, spending as much time openly communicating and simply loving life because I now know the true importance of a support system.

• I allow myself to use social media as a way to continue telling my story and connect with people from all over the world because we live in a time where I have the ability to network with others that can provide support and encouragement for one another.

• I allow myself to be in a healthy, supportive, and beautiful relationship that I only hope will continue to flourish because I now have the strength, wisdom, and courage to differentiate between my own personal journey without losing myself in someone else’s.

• I allow myself to be creative in any medium I want because I now see that what I have to say, sing, write, and visually create has power and worth for myself which is the absolute most important piece of the puzzle.